My Mother

Let me start by saying on the 3rd of December 1999 my father Mr Adedamola Kayode Adedeji died in the evening.

  Three days earlier i had a dream that my father died, i rushed to my mother's room to inform her that my father died in my dream and the dream was so real i totally believed it plus the fact that all my dreams eventually comes true. When i informed my mother she smiled and told me in yoruba language that my dream was a proverb that meant long life........when she told me this, i totally believed her because to me my mother knew it all. The next day my mum bought relaxer and it was saloon time for mummy and daughter......ooooh my mum sure did know how to get me......we both retouched our hair at aunty biliki's saloon we chatted like friends all through, we even did the same hair style. We went home home all shinny faced, my brother looked at the both of us, shook his head and said to my mother with a very soft but angry voice "nibo le lo na??ebin pa mi na" meaning; where have you been all day??? i'm hungry na.........Now you know better than to talk to my mother with an unfriendly tone of voice, she gives it to you big time.........but hey we just got our groove on and when my mother gets her groove on, nobody can stop her shine......she answered my brother with a sing song voice that, she serves a beautiful God so she has to look beautiful for her God. 

On the 3rd of December 1999, we had just finished our morning prayer, i was 17 years old fresh from high school........ my father had visited us the month before, to ask me what i wanted for christmas and i told him with a big smile on my face that i wanted a Mercedes Benz SLK......the pink one i told him totally excited.......i knew he would buy it for me, only if i asked........that's to show you how much i believe in people........ My father bought me some goodies when he came to visit, he bought me underwears and gave me some money, he also assured me that i was going to get my car if and only if i believed in God......i held on to the last words that my father spoke to me.......

On the 4th of December, After our morning prayer i was busy jumping around, i was unnecessarily excited and giggly that when our door bell rang, i sang out in my sweetest voice "who be RAT" at that point my mother gave me the evil eye and mentioned that i may likely be going insane to have called a visitor a rat.......i looked at her with shame in my eyes and she told me she was sure i was totally going to get slapped at some point in the day........ it was uncle Siroma, my fathers friend and tenant.......Now when ever i see uncle Siroma it's usually good news from my father.....i was excited to see him......he handed me some goodies which i immediately started munching on......my mother gave me that side look that meant i was stupid and probably dead at the same time.....I ignored her after all uncle Siroma represented my father in some funny way.......He called out to my mother, Iya Soji, he said, Baba awon omoyi ti se alaisi oh......meaning iya Soji, the father of your children is dead.........My mother started to scream, she threw her self on the ground and screamed ADEDAMOLA KAYODE ADEDEJI MY FIRST LOVE.......Oh no she dint just say that....i stifled a giggle......my brother came out of his room in slow mo in his boxers.....i looked at him like niggar you are naked........he moved slowly as if being controlled, found the nearest wall, glued his back as if magnetized by the wall, slid slowly down with a spoilt face and a low sharp squeal escaped his throat......now that was art......i burst out in a torrent of laughter, my mother gave me the dagger eyes and i slowly entered my room.....when i was alone.....it dawned on me that my father was dead and so was my car.....oh wow Yewande......then i remembered that he said only if i believed in God, all hope wasn't lost.

I came out of my room smiling, my mother asked me with a soft and loving voice why i was laughing when the whole world was crying. My brother answered laughing "is Yewande not a mumu" and we all started laughing.....at that point i started mimicking all the drama they performed all three of us were rolling on the floor with laughter.......it's always refreshing when you can laugh at your self......

Now you see my mum is an excellent communicator, she's the kind of person you could sit with all day and edify each other.....she is highly spiritual.......my mother will only use her mouth to beautify things......now you see if you see my baby picture you will understand what i am talking about......I was such an ugly baby, Ish!!! ugly is an understatement sef. Picture a very black, ugly baby that loved to frown and cry, she used to itch her body at every given opportunity because of all the craw craw that always evaded her skin...... My mother will call me a beautiful girl every morning when i was in her womb till i grew up......She so badly wanted a baby girl that when she was pregnant she believed i was a girl, she told me she would imagine me to be all what she could not achieve.....My mother used her mouth to bring out the beauty in me. My mother taught me how to write out my feelings, she encouraged me to keep a diary, to write down everything that comes to my head. My mother believed everything i told her and would take extremely rash actions on my behalf......i learnt never to lie to her so as not to get her into trouble. My mother taught me how to read books because we share books and discuss it every evening. My mother is a stern queen whom nobody totally under stands not even i........she only sees the beauty in things and can't stand people that don't......My mother is friendly, loving, slightly open to friends but totally open to family. You are not allowed to not see the beauty in the lionesses cubs, she will tear you down........I LOVE MY MOTHER..... Mrs Anthonia Alaba Adedeji the Queen A......... Abeg my oga dey eye me for here......you will be reading more about my mother and how she has influenced my life.......... 

Continuation.....Summer "97"

It was the 9th of september 1997, Bukola Ademola's birthday, i can bet i did not sleep the previous night.....I packed all my party things inside my knapsack, in my excitement i broke my knapsack ... Mogbe!! i almost started to cry, how would i attend the anticipated party without a knapsack?? i rushed to the other room in search of my cousin Rita, whom i gave the sad face and she asked me what was wrong. I told her i had a party but i just broke my knapsack! she hurriedly brought out the stuff in her own knapsack and proceeded to style me for my party......Now you see Rita is not my mate at all but she and i are as cool as cucumber and melon......When i was in primary six Rita was in SS3 so you can calculate the age difference. I told her i was going to get dressed at Folake's house and that Folake's daddy's driver would take us for the party   (lies from the pit of hell). As i was chatting with my cousin, Yetunde arrived all dressed in a very beautiful flowery spaghetti dress, trainers looking boots and a very shinny black knapsack. Rita looked at me and told me to start getting dressed ........so i wore my lumberjack, extremely short flared skirt that had suspenders attached to it, a long sleeved white with black stripes jumper top, and my spice girls black and white trainers like boot, with my newly borrowed knapsack.

Summer "97"

It was summer 1997, i had just  written my junior WEAC, waiting for the result to come out, i had no fear in me because i studied very hard thanks to my brother. Yetunde, Folake and i had serious plans for that summer........ i can never forget that summer *sigh*. Bukola Ademola's birthday was happening that summer and we all had plans. We had been planning for the party from the beginning of the year, we would all sit around in school and gist about what to wear for the party. Folake, Yetunde and i enrolled in one summer school, although we used to call it lesson back in the day, not the tush "summer school" that they call it now. It was called Offshore or something sha i cant remember.......against my mothers wish...... she wanted me to stay with her in that dead town called Festac town and have that my extremely dry and judgmental lesson teacher called Uncle Wole to tutor me to the next level.......how very boring *yawns* . 

I cried, begged and used my famous emotion blackmail card (which never works) on my mum to allow me go to my aunt's house in Surulere where all the good life tinz were happening. I looked my mum in the eye with a very sorrowful look on my face and asked her: mummy, do you want me to be happy, she looked back at me with an eyebrow raised suspiciously and said of cause i want you to be happy, then i replied her that she would allow me live my life........at 14??? who dash you life?? i will slap the spit out of that child...........My mother gave me the ''are you stupid look'' and screamed at me: go and clean that pomo and grind that pepper i want to go and pray, ode buruku!!! then she mimicked my voice "then you should allow me live my life" she finished off with a very winshly laughter and clapped her hands in the process.......hey i don't sound like that jo...... i thought to my self....... I did all i had to do that day and worked my magic on my brother, i asked him if he wasn't going to Surulere, he looked at me suspiciously and asked me Kilode?? (meaning WHAT) like i was pestering him.....which i had been doing the whole day..... i looked at him and started laughing, we both started laughing. He started pushing me out of his room and at the same time was screaming mummy Yewande is disturbing me!! at that point i told him to stop screaming that mummy was praying and i stuck out my tongue at him and told him he was dead.....because my mum does not like to be disturbed when praying....... my brother started punching, shoving and pushing me out of his room which made the both of us laugh really hard......I started begging him and promising to massage his leg and scratch his back for him for hours if he would only hear me out. I told him Festac was boring that we should go to Surulere, he looked at me and told me to go na........I told him about my mother's plans for me that holiday and at that point i started scratching his back.....I told him mummy would never allow me to go to Surulere by myself, i cajoled him, i blackmailed him, i cried him a river...... anything to get out of Festac.

Yetunde and i entered bus to Folake's house in shitta it was our first day of summer school.....coming from a girls' only school, sitting in the same room with boys your age was like winning 50billion Dollars *sigh*.......it was heavenly. Yetunde had baby curls on her head, she had the Aniter Baker hair style, I had a beautiful synthetic short fringe Cleopatra style shinny wig, and Folake fixed her hair......we were feeling totally fly......We settled in nicely.

The frog

Finally!! i screamed, Thank you my heavenly father...After 50 billion failed businesses and plenty failed attempts to get a job.... I needed a job badly, any job, in fact i was ready to become one of Goldie's PA. When i told her this, she was devastated, she told me she would never do that to me because she respected me a lot and at that point she looked at me with pity and said she would do something about my joblessness.......Now you see, Goldie was a very good friend of mine, I lived in her house for years......we knew everything about each other and trust me when i say everything, i mean every thing........I loved and had so much respect for her...... I sincerely haven't come to terms with her death so i'm not going to talk about her......i'm still in denial.....i am still in shock........RIP baby.

How i met my bestie

It was the year 1993 i had just finished from primary school, and was getting ready to go to my dream high school..........hey!!! will u stop trying to calculate my age!!! If you like sef you can try to calculate, all i know is that i am going to be 21years old on 21st of May 2013. Anyhoo i was particularly excited because my cousin Amina Tijani Sanni was in Queens College, By the way she is now very married with plenty beautiful children(wiping my brow) and she is now a pastor/counselor in South Africa...... She had plans in motion to make my stay in QC heavenly. We were both very certain i was going to attend QC infact she had introduced me to the whole school and had made arrangements for a school mother for me because she was already in SS2 and was leaving school soon. Only for my mother to come back from were ever she went to with a big smile on her face, i was very suspicious!! one can never trust my mum and her forceful ways......she said to me Iyagba, we are going to your new high school on monday, i was very happy thinking it was QC, but i had my doubts. I knew my mum did not want me to attend any boarding school because she used to ring it into my ears, growing up, she would say; I only have two children and i want to see them everyday. She said to me, Dudu, guess what?? i looked at her excitedly and screamed WHAT?? with glee in my voice. Then she said, you are going to METHODIST GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL YABA!!! I threw myself on the floor and wailed like a dying seal!!! She did not even look at me!! I screamed, kicked and threatened to run away, but my mum did not even act like anything was happening. Little did i know that there was more, she then dropped the BOMB!!! she said my black baby, we are going to the salon now oh, i eyed the back of her head alata style. I got dressed and followed her to the salon which turned out to be BE FINE barbing salon in surulere!!! I looked at my mum, looked at the name of the salon and thought to myself, may be there was a hidden iya oni diri(some one that makes corn rolls) inside the salon because my hair was very long and full growing up, in fact i had never cut my hair before, and i knew my mum loved my hair so much so i kinda had hope, it just couldn't be what i was thinking...... I was asked to sit down on the barbers chair, and they started covering my body with that chooku chooku wrapper-like thing they use in barbing salons!!! I looked at the barber and my mum with pleading eyes, the barber told me not to worry that i would love it!!! I just started wailing and kicking at the same time when i saw the clipper, i screamed at the guy not to touch my hair and pushed him away!! That was the point my mother came close to me and gave me a resounding ABARA(Slap) on my back!! and screamed at me to Gbemi(swallow it). I decided to cry inside my soul!!!!

My favorite dish

It was the new millennium, the anticipated year 2000 had come!! My father passed away in December 1999, it was a very sad thing, i had spent a year at home, i had written my second JAMB and waiting for the post master to bring my JAMB result. When the front door bell rang, i ran to the door to see if it was the post man i had been waiting for. Alas, it was the post master, he handed me my result, i tore the shit open like an hungry lion tearing at its prey, i tried to settle down a bit before i totally rip the whole result apart. I didn't quite get the figure, i looked at it some more, AAhh Mogbe!! Oluwa oh!! what have i done to deserve this na!!! i started crying. My mother rushed to my side to inquire of me what the problem was, i gave her the paper, after she glanced at it for a few seconds, she said Ehen?? and so what? is that why you are shouting? are you the first person in the world to fail JAMB? she requested. 107 that was my JAMB result, all my friends and mates had gotten admissions into various universities and some had traveled abroad to further their education and here i was still struggling with JAMB.  Now you see, i am not exactly dumb, but i am extremely lazy. I never read for that JAMB, in fact i don't read for any exam! Hey don't judge me at least i am being honest.