My favorite dish

It was the new millennium, the anticipated year 2000 had come!! My father passed away in December 1999, it was a very sad thing, i had spent a year at home, i had written my second JAMB and waiting for the post master to bring my JAMB result. When the front door bell rang, i ran to the door to see if it was the post man i had been waiting for. Alas, it was the post master, he handed me my result, i tore the shit open like an hungry lion tearing at its prey, i tried to settle down a bit before i totally rip the whole result apart. I didn't quite get the figure, i looked at it some more, AAhh Mogbe!! Oluwa oh!! what have i done to deserve this na!!! i started crying. My mother rushed to my side to inquire of me what the problem was, i gave her the paper, after she glanced at it for a few seconds, she said Ehen?? and so what? is that why you are shouting? are you the first person in the world to fail JAMB? she requested. 107 that was my JAMB result, all my friends and mates had gotten admissions into various universities and some had traveled abroad to further their education and here i was still struggling with JAMB.  Now you see, i am not exactly dumb, but i am extremely lazy. I never read for that JAMB, in fact i don't read for any exam! Hey don't judge me at least i am being honest. 

Growing up with a brother like mine was supposed to be very tough but my mother made my life very easy. You see, my mother made sure there was no competition between my brother and i, she never compared us to each other, she loved us equally, my brother is obviously the brilliant angel and i am the lazy devil.  My elder brother Soji who is now a pastor, never failed at anything, he used to come first in his school days, when he was in high school he was the head boy, the best student in maths and chemistry, the neatest boy in school, he used to come back home from school 2:30 on the dot, do his chores and i never saw my mother beat or yell at my brother for any wrong doings. He was a disgusting angel. I secretly loathed him for his perfection, but open hatred was not allowed in my house. My mother had stiff rules guiding my brother and i, I was not allowed to insult my brother and he was not allowed to beat me for any reason at all. My mother's excuse was that, you are just two. That's why i had just two children so there won't be any commotion in the house, She would say, i am building a Godly and peaceful home. Thus the undying love i have for my brother thanks to my mum. The first JAMB my brother wrote he got 279, ode buruku!!! making me look like an olodo!! I love and admire my brother so much that i wanted to be like him, i would follow him around like a pest, pester his life, throw tantrums if he told me not to follow him, i hung out a lot with him and all his friends, in fact i frustrated my brother at every given opportunity and my mother always supported me and my spoilt ways. She would scream at my brother to take me anywhere he was going to and say you are just two, abi you have another sister ni?? you should be happy and proud of your only sister and at that point i will stick out my tongue at my brother. *sigh* That was the only evil things i did to my brother, i was the evil pest of a sister growing up. I even tried to do an imitation of his beautiful cursive hand writing which has kobalized me for the rest of my life. My hand writing looks like a very lazy chicken scratching lazily on a sandy ground, sometime i write stuff that even i, cannot read! Hian!!

Anyhoo when i got that result i was very sad, i cried my eyes out. My mother felt so sorry for me, she came into my room to cheer me up, she said: dudu come out of your room na!! oya let me help you clean your room, Ahan see how dirty your room is, chai yankee dudu you are a pig!! i gave her the side eye!! The sand that she swept out of the rug in my room was enough to build a beautiful mansion!! When i went back into that room, it was glorious!! Then we both proceeded  to the market to buy food stuff to cook my favorite dish, stew with plenty orishirishi meat!! The sweetest part of this food is that you serve your self and you are allowed to take one each of all the assorted meat!! At the end of the day you end up with 5 pieces of mighty luscious meat in your plate!! Yaaaay! When we got back from the market, my spirit was a bit lifted. I switched on the TV, AIT was like the only channel existing back then, they  played some dry ass songs which i loved. Then my favorite song came on, it was sung by one Republic Benin dude that was singing in a very funny way and i sang along, i was in heavenly places. My mother was cooking the stew, i was dancing and singing in the living room. All of a sudden my mother called me: Yewiskoko lo gbe rice yen kana!! go and boil the rice and dont forget to check the stew oh!! I said Ahan na!! i thought.....then she gave me the evil eye and i kept quiet and walked meekly to the kitchen, sulking. I was humming that useless song and washing the rice, i put some water in the pot i would cook my rice in and left it on the sink and proceeded to check  the stew for the largest of the meats that will go on my plate.....in the process i drooled into the stew!! With the bowl of washed rice in one hand and the stew spoon in the other hand, i automatically emptied the rice into the stew.........................................My mother was furious, we ended up eating jollof rice and i got the tiniest meat. Shit!!!