Ireti my sexy bull dog!
It was the year 2013, 31st of May on a friday.....I was born in May and I turn 21 every 21st of May.......every year...... I had just moved into my studio apartment..... I made a vow to God to love and serve Him for the rest of my life...... my lover of 5 years dumped me on vals day..... my friend Goldie Harvey died on vals day....infact a lot of terrible things happened arround the world on that vals day.....even sef one Goldie in America.....a musician died on that day.
I had to rethink my life..... I realized anybody le ku at any Effing time...... I retraced my steps back to my foundation......my firm foundation Jesu!
On the 31st of May I got my salary and jobbed some Niggar into buying body magic for his fat wife, sisters and mother. I was also selling body magic .....i sold to him at a high price....mini millions......I was rich! I was still working for Johnny Bravo.....I used to call my boss Johnny Bravo..... I will get to that in another story...... I was rolling in millions..... I proceeded to shoprite..... I shopped my brains out.....I had cash...... I bought plenty alcohol too......life was beautiful......there is no romance in hating.....I had the weekend planned! This must be heaven I thought to myself...... tis good to serve the living God I thought...... I had a silly smile on my face...... who needs a man when I can have money I thought...... and I managed to slot in some f**k you Johnny Bravo and your meagre salary into my self exonerating speech!
I tipped the guy that helped to park Ireti the sexy bulldog..... she looked all shinny.... I had just painted her.....my sexy ass car......
I got home, arranged my bounty inside my antique 1960 samsung fridge.... its powder blue in colour..... I took some time to admire my expertise..... I too good I thought to myself..... I must really be important to God! I faced the mirror and sang in a mans voice *kent tosh this* then I made funny faces at myself...... I also told myself I was beautiful and batted my eyelids..... I noticed a koko on my fore head..... chai when will I be free from all the craw craw on my face? I asked God looking at the ceiling...... my phone beeped it was a texted from my mum telling me to have a great weekend and I should remember to thank God for my blessings and give my life to Christ and oh I should remember to go to church on sunday...... I made faces at my phone I also stuck out my tongue at my phone.....
On Saturday morning I nibbled on a chocolate bar and watched sermons on tv.....I enjoy watching sermons....very edifying.....I had oats for breakfast.....when I got tired of watching sermons I watched the music channel..... I danced by my self.... I became very sweaty...... I had my bath..... entered ireti drove very fast with loud music blaring..... all my surulere fans and lovers waved at me..... I love loud music..... i'm not a lady.... im a dragon! I got to Calabar kitchen bought afang and pounded yam for lunch....*sigh* this is the life I thought....I love cooking, but I cook only when I'm in love.... after lunch......I read my bible and proceeded to get drunk......I drank and danced on saturday night by myself.....I didn't pick anyone's call...... then like the rich fool in the bible verse I had just read I thought of eating full English breakfast for breakfast..... the only thing that was missing was bread.
Early sunday morning..... I woke up and screamed *them papa I don wake* into the air..... I had a dream tho..... I dreamt my gen and car got stollen..... I wokeup around 2am after the dream to check my gen.....it was still there.
I got dressed, went outside to look for oni bread.....I love agege bread.....it's simply the best! MOGBE! MOTO MI DA??? Cheeeeeeeesoooox WHERE IS MY CAR?
TO BE CONTINUED......
