Bola and i 

When we moved to Festac town in 1996, i met a very cool chick in whom i was well pleased, her name is Bola Disu. Bola was my bestest friend, Bola is a Jehovah's witness, Bola is a very pretty girl with mighty eyes and kinky hair, her hair always looks like the letter W when ever she has no money to fix it properly. She is brilliant and she comes up with all the bright ideas, she is extremely generous and she totally makes me happy. She never criticized me and my stupidity, to her, i was cool and people used to say we look alike but we really don't, because she looks like Pocahontas and i do believe that i look more like princess Jasmine. If we do look alike i am the finer version sha. Bola's mum was the sole distributor of "properly made bread" in Festac, the so called properly made bread is usually filled with bromate and from what i hear bromate can kill. Half of the time the bakeries make breads that can last for a life time, force it down the throats of the re-sellers and the re-sellers would refuse to sell fresh bread to us; with the flimsy excuse that they have not finished selling the bread that was supplied last week. Bola's mother led the ban of Agege bread in Festac because with the presence of Agege bread their killer breads would never sell in Festac town.  Agege bread is the bread that is locally and freshly made everyday, they are made in dead looking unhygienic bakeries, with dirty disgusting bread pans that are never washed, an Agege bread may roll onto the sandy or muddy floor and all the makers and sellers will do is dust the bread with an ororo(groundnut oil) coated cut out foam from somebody's mattress.  They are sold by extremely ugly, grouchy Yoruba women with terrible BO, it has no bromate, no additives and no disgusting flavors its fresh, pure white sweet bread. It is usually juicy succulent and scintillating!! Aaah Agege bread!! yall should totally try eating it with hot Akara, JESU CHRISTI OKO IJO!! you can faint oh, Agege bread is da bomb. Call me disgusting all you want, disgusting is sooo in, its like going to a tush place to buy Amala!! it can never be sweet.  Anyhoo Bola's mum helped to subject us in Festac to eating disgusting flavored stale breads that have boldly written on the wrapper BROMATE FREE!! Don't believe every thing you read.
  

Normally Bola and i just sit and chill out in her mother's shop, drink all the coke, then descend on the 7up, our last resort is usually Limca! When we get to the limca part we stop before they catch us. I always had fresh bread to eat thanks to my friend. On this particular friday, i went to visit Bola in her mother's shop and........... the shop was empty!! CHEESSSOOXXX!! i was starving, my mother cooked beans as usual and she insisted we eat our beans with garri, i was on hunger strike in my house, i told my mother that morning to eat her beans alone and she told me not to bother to come home for lunch and diner because beans was going to be involved in every thing she would cook for the day. I left home angrily and slammed the door on my way out, feeling cool with myself only to get to Bola's and saw no bread on the shelf! i almost died on that spot. The only thing that was available was a lone hot flat Limca, which i gulped down with no shame. Bola lamented about how hungry and broke she was and me i don already shit for house! gosh what are we going to do i thought. Bola's mother walked into the shop and told Bola, oya go to 7th avenue and tell mama Tinuke to pay up her debt, take this two hundred naira enter cab, hurry!! Bola and i looked at each other, JACKPOT!!! We decided to stroll from 5th avenue to 7th avenue and use the 2h to buy hot puff puff, which we did. When we got to mama Tinuke's place she lamented and told us about her trials and tribulations which only bored us. After like 2hours of listening to crap, mama Tinuke gave us 3thousand naira and told Bola to tell her mum she would pay the rest next week. We headed back to the shop, as we strolled back a bright blue BMW X5 SUV parked beside us and the igbotic looking dude driving started toasting us! we ignored him, dude followed us with his car and everybody was looking at us, i looked the guy straight in the eye and asked what he wanted from us and he said, all i want to do is tantalize you girls because you look tantalizing, when we heard that sh*t Bola and i busted into a torrent of laughter which made the guy smile and re-phrase, lets go for lunch at tantis he said. Bola and i agreed to go with him because we were still very hungry.............When we got to Tantis, dude turned out to be a very nice guy that was obviously very bored like us. Bola said her name was Bimpe and my name was Shade, we gave him a fake house address too, dude was just too ugly, certainly not a keeper. When we finished eating and gisting dude even went ahead to buy take away tinz for us, plenty delicious tinz cheexxooss!! infact at that point when the guy handed us the take away packs Bola and i fell in love with him briefly. We had a wonderful time with our new found mugu, he dropped us at  a few blocks before Bola's mother's shop, we hurried back to the shop and handed the three thousand naira from mama Tinuke's to Bola's mother. We stashed our bag of goodies bag  strategically in a bucket by the wall outside,discrete, easily accessible and not out of eyesight. We were feeling like jugunu tinz!!! Bola's mum went to visit a friend, Bola and i ate all the goodies, i went home in the night. The next day was Saturday with which we used to sturdy for the pioneer preaching that will happen on Sunday morning. On Sunday morning Bola's announced to me on our land line that i was going to go and preach with herself and Bola. I was happy about this in a Godly manner, but not particularly thrilled.

I got dressed, strolled to Bola's house then we started preaching from house to house, with Bola and i looking stupidly at the back of her mother's head, making faces at each other, and Bola chipping in on the conversation when it got heated. When we got to 3rd Avenue, there stood a newly painted block which Bola's mum said we should start our evangelic mission from, we proceeded to the top floor and knocked on the first door that faced us. When "IT" opened the door we all took a step back involuntarily, at first glance we thought it was a chimpanzee in a white wrapper, just as Bolas mum called upon her Christianity reserve to steel herself and talk to the thing that opened the door, it shielded its eyes to adjust to the glare of the sun, focused and lo and behold the  half naked monkey  recognized us!!! It was the igbotic dude from friday, who bought us goodies!!! Shade, Bimpe, he exclaimed loudly, what are you guys doing here, how did you know my house?? He spoke as he shut his door hurriedly.  Bola and i died like 200 times within that really long 20seconds!! we could not say a word, we became deaf, dumb and dead all at the same time. All this as he glared at us. Bola's mum looked extremely furious, "excuse me these are my children Yewande and Bola", she screamed as she shot him sharp looks we bobbed our heads in agreement with a foolish look on our faces. Bola and i were sweating like we were in hell, i for one just wanted to pee hoping in the process to somehow squish myself out of the toilet window, break my neck,  leg, face and probably just die too!! You know what i mean, don't you?? Anyhoo Bola's mum fired up by Evangelical zeal braced herself and proceeded to preach to him in a stern concise tone and he just stood there, that half naked igbotic dude who looked like a chimpanzee until you took a second look, just stood there looking confused, the perplexity evident on his asinine face was hilarious and he stood there glancing every once in a while at our faces wondering if he was hallucinating or had experienced a very vivid daydream, a midday mirage while he was out cruising in his jeep. Once he muttered audibly "äbi no be d girls be dis" whereupon Bolas mum fixed him with a sharp look and he became a confused docile ape again.;. Bolas Mum finally finished preaching and we left that house, she eyed  us suspiciously till we got home  but she never said a word.