The Slap

      
It was one of those mornings that i woke up to the smell of beans!!! i hate beans with all my heart and soul, but beans is my mothers favorite meal. My mother is an extremely beautiful woman, she is not exactly tall, light skinned, extremely shapy, she loves expensive things and she tries her best to get all the luxurious items one can think of but she is very short tempered. You can  never catch my mother unawares, she wakes up very early in the morning cooks her beans, have her bath, wears a full make up complete with beautiful clothes and her exotic jewelries. Then she will wake my brother and i up for prayers, she makes sure my brother and i at least brush our teeth even if we don't want to have our baths, all this activity happens around 5am oh, can you imagine my frustration? She will nag at my laziness and call me a dirty girl. My mother has the highest moral standards in the world that no human being can meet and she is extremely forceful. She has too many do's and don'ts it gets on my nerves but she is my best friend even if we fight all the time.


After all the early morning serenren, on this particular day i woke up to the smell of beans as usual and it made me sick to my stomach. My mother was trying to please me, because she knows i don't like beans and she was trying to supplement the beans with plantain so that i can at least eat it without my usual lamentation. I had spent a year at home i was still kind of fresh from high school. I was in my room sulking and dreading the fact that my mother and i was going to argue again that morning about what to eat the beans with, i could not concentrate on the memory verse i was trying to get out of the bible. We usually recite bible verses every morning during prayers. I was ready to play my emotional blackmail card if she mentioned anything about Garri, when she yelled my name " Yewinskoko, iya agbasko, my beautiful black baby, yankee dudu omo mi!! come and buy me matches so i can fry plantain for you" and i answered from my room with glee when i heard plantain!! yaaaaaay!! i screamed and i started dancing makosa. We both laughed and she gave me five naira and told me to hurry up that she was very hungry. I went out of our flat, strolled to the Aboki that mans the gate of our close and the dude said matches e nor dey!! I went across the road, still no matches and i am like what the hell is going on here?? are the people producing matches dead?? i was angry!! as i stood there frustrated, i saw my friend Bisola Kolejo, she screamed my name and started running towards me, she has the mightiest boobs on earth  for a girl her size. Her boobs were jiggling uncontrollably and that made me start laughing and at that point i forgot about the matches. We started gisting  and we automatically strolled to Bisola pepper's mothers shop. The other Bisola's mother sells pepper and provisions in her shop hence the name Bisola pepper. All three of us sat down on high stools and gisted uncontrollably about the new temptation novel we had just read and we planed on getting the latest Mills and boon novel, we told ourselves that we will contribute to buy one and all three of us will take turns at reading it. Then we argued about who would read it first and of cause i announced that i would be the first to read it and Bisola Kolejo eyed me and told me that before i finished reading it the producers of Mills and boon novels would have released three novels. I am a very slow reader and it is extremely embarrassing. At one point i looked at my hand and wondered aloud why i was clutching onto a five naira note!! i was very confused, Bisola Kolejo suggested we use it to buy Okin biscuit which i agreed to, i strolled down to the Aboki adjacent Bisola pepper's store and told him to give me one Okin four corner biscuit, he gave me and i stole chewing gum for later. The Aboki chased me around the close and tried to collect the chewing gum from me but Bisola Kolejo came to my rescue. We ate the goodies and i got really bored, i checked the time, it was 12pm and i left home around 7:30am pheewww, i said its time to go home, i skipped home because i was happy. When i got home, as i opened the main door my mother welcomed me with a resounding slap!! TOOOSSAAA!! i saw stars!! I looked at her blankly, at that point she slammed the door in my face and told me to go back to where i was coming from, i still had no idea what i had done to deserve such treatment, i felt victimized!! then i screamed to inquire what i did with tears in my eyes, i was peering through the window, she glared at me and asked me in a very loud angry voice WHERE IS MY MATCHES?? Then it dawned on me and i started begging to no avail. I was very embarrassed.