A Precocious 17 years old me

So there I was a precocious  17 year old fresh  out of high school bored stiff on a sunny afternoon in a very dry town called Festac, pondering thinking of what to do with my flighty self this very dead day, did i mention that i lived in a dead town? I must have, its the first thing i tell everybody i meet. So i'm contemplating where to find some life in this huge morgue when it occurred to me that I could go and visit my friend, Aderoju. We went to high school together.

Aderoju worked in a photographic studio where we hung out trying to do fun stuff, but that ends very quickly, i mean you can only take so much pictures. Sometimes boredom leads us to cruelty and i have discovered cruelty is never boring. We would laugh at people who came to take pictures in the studio striking funny poses and almost always with too much make up on. Some guys even come all decked up with lip gloss shining on their lips, seriously? a man wearing lipgloss? now that really cracked us up. At that age we had no problems, the world was rosy, our town was morbid  and everything made us laugh. Her boss a kindly fellow who wore gandhi glasses started calling us  "the giggling girls" which only made us laugh harder and when we truly felt frigid we made funny noises with our throats at passerbys just too see the startled expression on our faces, those times we were the grunting girls.
(thinking back, those sounds were  disgusting sort of piggish, but who cared, we were alive and everyone else was dead).

And so I decided to visit Aderoju, as always i got dressed carefully. I wore a beautiful velour(Apoche as popularly called by un-educated igbo men)hip star bell bottom pants that accentuated my nice round bum, paired it with  a beautiful jumper because my stomach was still flat and I thought exposing it was sexy completed it with  my new spice girls trainers!! And i was good to go. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "bebe you are a work of art". Then I proceeded to lay out my make up, which basically consist of : talc white powder,black eye pencil and a dash of soul mate hair cream for my luscious lips. I applied the black pencil thickly over my bushy eye brow,lined my lips thickly with the same pencil then I rubbed the soul mate hair cream over my lips till it was all shinny. My lips felt tinggly because of the menthol in the cream and  I so loved the feeling, I could never  understand why  other girls opted for Apple hair cream, personally i thought apple hair cream smelled awful! den I rubbed powder  excessively all over my face thinking to my self that it would disappear before I get to my destination. I combed my some what punk hair and proceeded to the bus-stop, making heads turn in my wake always boosted my confidence (thinking back, i get the feeling the turning heads  were probably disgusted by the way I was rolling my waist,my makeup or my trashy clothes). As I undulated down the street in that searing sun I felt my make shift lip gloss dripping down my chin and I started sweating profusely!! I hopped into the next bus, so thankful for the cool breeze from the window. My fare was 30 naira. I had a torn hundred naira note which I had stolen from my mum the previous day and handed it to the conductor who rejected it flatly in anger and the dude even insulted me on top self he said "you dey craze ni who go collect dis rubbish for ya hand give me another money before I bounce you from this bus" I got very angry and replied him with a very loud voice "na you dey craze oh why u dey cuss me na? if you nor want am you don belle full be that because I nor be central bank wey dey make money" dude told me to bounce out of his bus and I told him to come and carry me and that only upset him some more,he promised to slap me when I get to my bus stop and I told him "them never born your mama!!!slap me make you see weda you nor go die today" there I was mouthing off in my loud screeching adolescent voice which only aggravated the conductor and irritated the passengers and driver, then the driver told me to please shut up and not pay for the fare,I felt victorious and stuck out my tongue in mockery at the conductor which  only angered him some more.On getting to my destination I screamed in sarcasm at the conductor Owa oh and rolled my eyes for extra effect. The conductor told the driver not to stop but the driver just wanted me, the screeching pest out of his bus,as I alighted the conductor welcomed me with a deafening slap which made me see  stars but I made a quick recovery and slapped him back. Alas! it was a slow and lame attempt, he blocked it and screamed in yoruba,like in the movies Ewo(taboo) and I thought quickly  of how I could stop him from killing me, so I hugged him real tight pinning his hands to his side as i prayed silently for help, that 30 seconds felt like years and finally help came, a man held the conductor and I released him very fast spitting on his face as i walked away triumphantly with tears of joy in my silly  eyes.