I only wanted bread and my car was gone...... I was wearing shorts and a tank top with no bra...... it started to drizzle..... my hunger and mirth from the previous day evaporated.... I had a big lump in my throat..... big girls don't cry.....I tried not to look crazy by searching the gutter and under the other parked cars.....but I was looking very stunned!! I slowly went back into the house, went to where I usually put my car key......abi I borrowed someone the car ni.....I thought to my self..... I slowly went back outside clutching my car key and also looking at where I parked the car..... by this time everyone was looking at me.... my neighbour asked what the problem was.....we call that guy Engineer....He is a mechanic that likes to be called Engineer.....he's also my birthday mate!
I walked away slowly after telling him what happened..... he asked where I was going in the rain......by that time it occurred to me that I should go to the police station to make a report.....I told him I was going to the station to make a report......by that time Alhaja..... my neighbour that occupies the back flat joined him.... she started making drama......she started cursing and praying.....she was screaming, crying and jumping up and down.....now you see Alhaja has a very mighty butt that jiggles at every movement of her body......might I add that she makes the bestest Ileya Jollof and her ram meat is always on point and in abundance.......
I left them there without a word......I walked very fast in the rain......my nipples where frozen and they looked like mighty nails on my chest.... why didn't I wear a bra sef?.....I became very conscious of my nakedness.....I had gotten to the station.....I clutched my nailed chest and walked into the station......the smell that hit my nose was horrific! .... The station reeked of urine, sweat, virgin armpit, mosquito coil, plenty smelling men and semen...... there were five of us that came to report stolen vehicle...... they found three of the cars already and they were asking for bribe from the victims....... all I had was one thousand to buy my bread...... the police officer wasn't wearing his uniform and he had flipflops on his feet..... he looked like he just wokeup too..... my two neighbours came into the station......Alhaja said I was her daughter......the police man said I had to pay five thousand for them to commence the search for my stolen vehicle.....I told them I had only one thousand..... Engineer paid the remaing four thousand.....I was assured and we left in Engineer's car.
I got to my office on monday in a cab......everyone asked where my car was.....I broke the news..... 95% of my colleagues were happy and some welcomed me to the Okada club....Chibuzor the company driver started laughing and thought it was wise of him to point out my reckless driving and loud music....he concluded with "it's good that they stole your car, you need to be humble" I answered him with asking if he was God's P.A?? He was still laughing and added that I will fall from an Okada ride because of the size of my butt......I told him to give my God 2weeks.....he laughed some more and said with that your salary?...I got home that night.....I cried to God naked.....I still don't know why I felt the need to be naked but I cried and prayed stark naked...I was very pained.....God does answer prayers.....well my prayers.....at the right time....
It was the longest 2weeks of my life! I saw hell on the streets of Lagos and I had plenty toasters, I even had a designated chauffeur who liked to place his smelling hand on my thigh while he drove......I would remove the hand like a good girl at first but as I see say the guy na goat, I would hit the hand very hard with any nearby object.....until I couldn't take it anymore and stopped entering his car.......
By this time I had sent five thousand naira five times to that police officer and what broke the camels back was when he called me to send another five thousand to him that they have found my car in ijebu that he wanted to go to Ijebu to look at the car.....I asked him if he knew the car and he got very angry and defensive.....the guy even called me one time to ask if I was home and I cooked, I told him I moved out of Lagos......anyhoo, my friend Abacha asked if I wanted to buy his wife's car.....she was beautiful.....I christened her Comfor (Comfort) and she has pioneer speakers.... as in very loud..... I got to my office in exactly 2weeks with my new car and the music was very loud.....unfortunately for Chibuzor he was standing outside when I arrived!! END
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